Lern 2 drive, newb

No, really, do.

Those orange lights on the side of your vehicle? They're there to tell other road users what you intend to do. Before you do it. Not as you do it.

See that nice twisty road with a perfect camber? It is not there to be trembled along at 30 miles an hour.

See that motorbike behind you? It cannot reverse uphill. If pointing down a hill, do not try to reverse when there is a motorbike behind you. Unless it's a Goldwing, the rider cannot do anything except hit their horn and flash their lights.

Do not ignore this beeping of the horn and flashing of lights.

Keep Britain Tidy

Or, it's not littering if it's not on the floor, is it?

There's a set of cash machines in the Broadgate passage at London Liverpool Street that, apart from rarely having any money in them, also act as a dumping ground for cups of coffee and those promotional mini-cans of fizzy drinks.

There will be things perched on every available surface, including the little fire alarm boxes.

But not on the floor.

Never on the floor.

Unless there's nowhere else at all, and even then the litter will be tucked away furtively behind a pillar, or possibly in an architectural feature that you may be able to claim looked sort-of-like a bin.

I can only assume that as they abandon them, they're pretending that they're just putting them down for a moment and that they'll be right back, honest guv.

I do it too. The surreptitious dropping litter when and where I think no-one will notice. The empty coffee cup nonchalantly perched on the cash machine and then forgotten when I leave.

So, knowing that that's what we're doing, why don't we litter boldly?

Throw our empty cups and sandwich wrappers to the skies.

I suspect that it's because most people do want to Keep Britain Tidy, and this discrete littering is the closest we can get when there are no bins.

Tractors

What is it with them?

Is there a competition to see who can cause the most disruption to other road users?

The other day I was late to work because there was a tractor ahead of me.

Not satisfied with the convoy building up behind him (several cars and me on my motorbike), the driver, when faced with a passing point in the road choose to attempt a three point turn rather than pulling over and letting us past. Thus blocking both sides of the road for an extra five minutes.

The only way he could have scored a few more points was by waiting for a junction where he could try for three or four roads.

Does this sport exist? Is it a hotbed of betrayal, deceit and murder? Or even romance? Do unlikely challengers triumph against the odds? Is there an anti-tractor league attempting to get this noble sport banned? Should there be?

Blogs then? What are they all about?

Blah, blah, social revolution, blah blah blogosphere blah.

This post was originally much longer. It was also pretentious waffle, so I deleted it.

There were no comments, so I'm going to assume that no-one I know online or IRL stumbled across it either.

Toodle pip, chocks away and all that.